We’ll take the week off from learning this week for a little bit of light humour. I know that many of you feel that your computer skills are maybe a little to be desired, I’m sure you’ll all cringe at some of the stupid calls that have been made to technical support departments over the years! All these calls are absolutely true although somewhat dated as the first time I compiled this list was for a Commodore 64 publication I edited roughly 6 years ago.

An AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with an actual photocopy of the disks.

Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

Another AST technical support technician had a called complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters...": Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

An IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my Warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?": Tech Support: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?": Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer.": Tech Support: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it’s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?": Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder.
Another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bath with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

Tech Support: "Your password will be...a small 'a' as in apple, a capital 'V' as in Victor, the number '7'": Customer: "Is that a capital '7'?"

A woman called in to Tech Support and said she put the CD for our software in her CD drive, and it was now stuck in the drive and she could not get it out. Fortunately her daughter came over during the call and it was determined that the woman did not have a CD drive at all and she had attempted to insert her CD in the floppy disk drive. When the CD would not fit the woman trimmed the CD down to size with her scissors until it would fit in the 3.5" diskette drive.

Tech Support: Ok, click on "My Computer": Customer: How am I going to click on your computer?

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn’t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on the foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computers’ mouse.”

As I said at the start of this article, all the articles are, to the best of my knowledge genuine calls to technical support so I’m hoping that any silly mistakes you have made in the past now seem insignificant in comparison.

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